Where do I start?! Ohhhhhhh goodness! Let me tell y’all something. Never in my life until these past few years had I ever imagined having any dealings with transparency. It has never been easy to digest nor put out so I kept a safe distance from it (see, I was safe-distancing all along) for quite some time. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks
I can’t request something that I’m not willing to put out myself! If I want someone to remotely keep it real with me then guess what? That requires that I too, keep it real. It was the biggest ‘ah ha’ moment and from then on, I’ve been helping to influence others.
I say this to say, maybe I am the reason why I’m still single? Okay wait…that’s pushing it so we’ll say, I might contribute towards it by having expectations to an extent. One thing that I’ve come to learn is that when you set expectations for individuals, you’re actually setting yourself up for failure. People do what they feel is either comfortable or beneficial for them and this can be a subconscious or a conscious behavior. I mean, let’s call a spade a spade. A lot of the times, when you want someone to see a point that you’ve made, it’s actually from your desired perspective not necessarily their own.
Have you ever had someone text you or call you and within the time and station and they mentioned that they were bored? It’s natural for us to find different ways to interact throughout the day including via communication. It doesn’t take away from the fact that they wanted to speak with you. That’s just like having a friend openly admit to you that at times they can be petty towards other individuals and then if things change between the two of you, you might think back on those previous conversations.
Continuing on, when you realize just how you view others and their ability to make decisions solely on a choice of their own free-will, I feel contributes towards your desire of really wanting a relationship. Everything that we do, is by choice and not coincidentally. Some may argue differently. With this, I sometimes find it challenging to really find logic in a lot of dumb shit people do and don’t do when they’re “interested “ in you.
Here’s the “Interested” list:
- Compliment you
- Want to spend time
- Ask questions to get to know you
And here’s the “WTF” list:
- Does not text, call, or video chat
- No compliments
- Never makes time to hang out
- Never asks questions to learn anything about you
Sadly enough, people tend to get you honestly not being interested in them confused with the preference in people you choose to date. Why is that? You could meet someone who you genuinely feel isn’t a good match for you or your future goals and they rather believe it’s because of their height or them not being a “bad guy,” because that’s all we want
Maybe it is me…maybe I rather not deal with uncertain, indecisive, constant reassurance needing, no sense of direction, and babying type of men! There will come a point in time where the one who is for you, will step out and make their presence known. They might need more time to work on themselves, who knows but in the meantime, you have to be crystal clear in what you want and what you bring to the table.
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